I don’t know about you, but I have been experiencing anxiety/panic attacks for over a year and it’s driving me crazy! I hate them! They happen at the most inopportune times. What is the solution? Is my only choice to go on medication? I am only speaking for myself, but I absolutely refuse to do that! I have tried them and of course they work, of course they make me feel better while they are in my system but then there’s the next time. Re-entering the world of live events and being in a space with other people has been harder than I thought it was going to be. Sometimes it’s a trigger for me to be in a crowd. Part of it has been the pandemic but I’m realizing I’ve kind of always felt this way.
I recognize that for many years I was wound very tightly. On top of that I lived in the highest stress city in the U.S. My mind was always running, I was always in a stressful situation getting from place to place, being around hundreds of people all day every day and dealing with countless personality types. Now that I am out of that environment, I am learning that I don’t have to live in a heightened sense of anxiety every day, but that is not so easy to unlearn. It’s hard and some days when I have a literal panic attack, I am teaching myself some calming techniques. For me those consist of daily meditation, having a few things I tell myself. “I am ok” “Breathe” “I am safe.” Of course, in the moment, these things may not work right away. I am also realizing that telling another person those fearful things that are going on in my mind helps me take my power back. Just like with any new habit this is going to take some time and unlearning is a part of the process. I love both our new home and the city of Greenville, but it’s new and it’s going to take me a little longer than I thought to feel settled. I’m meeting new people and becoming a part of a new community. I must remind myself not to rush the process and to be grateful where I am today.
I have done enough self-awareness work over the past decade to know that I had a lot of unresolved emotional trauma in my life. I chose to get to the root of it with therapy, wonderful books, and new ways responding to life’s challenges. I worked on forgiving myself and others for the past, not for them but for me. I realized that carrying all that baggage weighs you down and I want to be happy. As for most things worthwhile, being happy comes with a lot of work and self-awareness. In some cases, you think you’ve dealt with your past and then BANG! It shows up and you realize there are still unresolved pieces of that puzzle. I look at it as an opportunity to keep growing and evolving. If we stop learning about ourselves, we can’t possibly keep reaching for our dreams.
I know that some people are blissfully unaware and simply refuse to evolve or they just aren’t ready. It can be a trigger for those of us who want to do better and live in peace. I’m sure we have all had that experience of getting upset with another person’s actions. It can be difficult to understand why they do the things they do, we would never!!! I have found that the less we take things personally and let other people’s actions affect us, the easier happiness and peace is to achieve.
Our minds are a muscle just like the rest of our body and it needs daily stimulation. Part of that for me is processing a lot of the past hurts and trauma because, like I said, I want to be happy. When the past tries to ride the coattails of my future it gets really heavy real fast so that’s why I believe we are all always evolving if we choose to.
If there is a takeaway from today’s blog. Please know that you are not alone, we all need help sometimes and it is going to work out.