It has started!!! I don’t know what this is exactly, but I do know that I feel different. This isn’t going to be another fact ridden blog about peri menopause, hot flashes, hormones, and everything in between. Today I’m writing a blog about how I’m feeling; in a word scared.
I know that this is something every woman goes through, and I know I’m not alone but the fact that my body almost seems to be being mean to me is almost, at times, too much to handle. Yes, of course I am experiencing all the textbook symptoms but do people talk about how scary this can be?
The anxiety that I am experiencing is awful and sometimes to the point where every part of my body feels like it’s in fight or flight and I’m going to pass out or worse need to be rushed to the emergency room. It almost seems like taking a breath is out of my reach. This is happening more and more frequently and multiple times throughout the day.
If you’re like me dealing with this is difficult and the thought of a quick fix definitely crosses my mind but again, I remind myself that I’m not alone. Every woman who has gone through this before me deserves a huge “WELL DONE!” Those who will experience this after me deserve the resources on how to manage this very uncomfortable and consuming time of their lives.
What I’m going to say next could definitely be amended in the future, but because I have never gone through this before, today I will choose to trust my body. I am relearning tools from therapy that talking about my fears takes away its power. That having a few females in my corner that can answer the hard questions or just sit with me in my fear and agree that this sucks!!! To practice deep breathing to calm myself down. To keep moving my body in a way that feels good. I have had to change my workout again to help me feel like I’m taking care of my body. I remind myself to drink plenty of water and stay hydrated. There are nights when I cannot sleep but instead of tossing and turning, I don’t get upset with myself, instead I watch a movie that makes me happy until I feel sleepy again.
In talks with other women, I know this could last for quite some time and I think that is part of my anxiety, but I think that the more we as women talk about this time in our lives it takes away its power and it can be more manageable. I remember when I was younger that women experiencing this were being dramatic, well forgive me for thinking that menopause wasn’t a big deal! I know now that that is just not true.
I also know that in 2022 I have a ton of resources at my disposal, ones that women before me didn’t have. I’m very grateful to have a partner who listens and supports me during an anxiety attack or when I start to sweat and feel like my body is on fire. He is there for me. I’m here to support myself to remember to breathe. Meditation has been a wonderful tool to help me breathe. I also tell myself that I am OK right now.